Alcohol is Fuel for the Heart: Filling Loneliness and Anxiety with Alcohol
The first time I properly drank alcohol was when I was 15. I drank with my high school friends, and it was a lot of fun. I learned that drinking alcohol made me feel good. Just before the spring break of my first year in high school, my grandmother came to visit and recommended a certain nutritional supplement.
"If you drink this, you'll feel great the next day," she said. I believed her and drank it, and I felt incredibly energetic the next day.
That was the beginning of my dependency on that supplement. I started taking many pills a day, but eventually, they stopped working.
Then, I thought of alcohol. I believed that drinking alcohol would make me feel happy and make life easier.I had always felt a strong sense of loneliness and abandonment anxiety since I was a child, but drinking alcohol helped me alleviate those feelings. Around the time of my first high school spring break, I started drinking alcohol before meeting my friends.
Alcohol became my fuel.
I became afraid of sobering up, so I started carrying chu-hi in a plastic bottle, pretending it was juice, and drinking secretly. Gradually, I began to hide my drinking even from my family.Increasing Dependency: Hidden Drinking in School Life
When the new semester started after the spring break, I was already scared to meet my friends while sober.
I knew it was wrong, but I went to school after drinking alcohol.
My friends found it funny when I was drunk, and I enjoyed that attention, so I continued to drink every day.
I brought chu-hi or shochu in plastic bottles or thermoses to school and drank it in the restroom or even during classes.
When my friends often said, "You smell like alcohol" or "Why is your face red?", I would reply, "It's the smell of perfume" or "It's just hot right now" to cover it up.The Boundary Between Law and Morality: Theft and Mental Crisis
As I ran out of money, I began shoplifting alcohol and food.
I caused a lot of trouble for my parents.
Even though I wanted to quit drinking, I couldn't.
I even had suicidal thoughts.The Moment of Decision: Facing the Teacher and Taking a Step Towards Rehabilitation
Just before the winter break of my second year in high school, my teacher called me in and asked,
"Have you been drinking?"
At first, I denied it, but I realized I couldn't continue living like this.
I confessed, "I have an alcohol dependency, and I even drink at school. I want to drop out and go to a rehabilitation facility."
I called my teacher, and it was decided that I would drop out of high school and enter a treatment center.A Lifelong Battle: The Struggle with Alcohol Dependency
I was admitted to a specialized hospital for alcohol dependency that accepted minors and underwent 7 months of treatment. I felt much better.
However, this improvement was temporary, and without lifelong treatment, I would relapse.
I have to live with this condition for the rest of my life.
It's impossible to do it alone, so I participate in AA to maintain sobriety.
*AA: A self-help group for continuing sobriety
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(2) "Recovery from Despair" The Path of a 15-Year-Old Girl's Battle with Alcohol Addiction ➤➤
(3) "Abandoned Heart" Overcoming and Analyzing a 15-Year-Old's Alcohol Addiction ➤➤
